The Explanations

Telling people about my decision to be a single mother by choice has been comical, to say the least. My favorite response was a gynecologist, of all people, who asked "haven't you ever thought about doing it with, like, a husband?"

"Oh! Is that how people do it?" I replied sarcastically. Needless to say, I found a new gynecologist after that.

60-70% of reactions are positive, with many women remarking they had/have a partner and still feel like a single parent most of the time. That consistent feedback further solidifies my confidence in my decision.

My family and friends are supportive, but many wish that I had a partner. Maybe I'm underestimating how hard it will be (although I plan to have an au pair) or underestimating the loneliness I may feel, maybe they're simply focused on the few cons instead of the many pros, or maybe they're just bringing up the fact that I deserve to have a loving partner.

While individual reactions, conversations, and confusion are all unique, there are certainly some recurring questions and thoughts, all of which grind my gears at this point:

"Oh, but you're so young!" and "I had my youngest child at 43!"

We're talking about my biological clock here, and I'm simply and factually not young in that regard. Fertility starts markedly declining at 35, and even more dramatically at 40. Those are facts. Nobody is saying it's impossible after 35. I'm obviously not going to wake up on my 35th birthday with a different body, but the fact remains that it's harder and riskier after 35, and even considered a "geriatric" pregnancy at that point. Further, if using a donor like I am, I don't have unlimited tries unless I have an unlimited wallet. Each try is expensive. So maybe you had your youngest (notably, not your first at 43, which makes a difference), but how many times did you get to try?

"Mr. Right will come along." Great, where is he? Should I hold my breath and put my life on hold while I wait?

"Children need a father."

Children need love, a peaceful home, and a village around them, which my child will have. There are countless homes with fathers who are damaging to their children, just like there are bad mothers too. Or absent fathers. There are countless homes that end up broken, the breaking of which is traumatic to children. There are countless untraditional families, the children of which are happier and healthier than many traditional families. Having a mother and a father doesn't automatically mean a healthy family, and not every family is "lucky" enough to meet the societally ideal standards. But what matters is my child will have an exceptional mother, many close male and female role models, a healthy, happy, peaceful, nurturing home, and an amazing childhood. And that's what matters.